- siesta

Este blog está renovando suas receitas e fazendo uma faxina na cozinha para melhor atendê-los no futuro. Voltem logo! Agradecemos a preferência.

This blog is going through some major rethinking, rescheduling and remodeling. So... sorry if we haven't served you lately as we first intended. Come back soon!

Barbecue Sauce

At first, I had forgotten these awards were last night (you see, we had a BRAZILIAN show nominated for International Emmys, so our national media did tend to promote these awards instead of AMERICAN Music’s – just to blame someone other than me, for not playing the aficionada role properly). Well, having already lost two major ceremonies these past months, I should just put my game face on and start working on my tweets!

On the red carpet, many weird things that THANK GOD don’t stand south of the Equator. I mean, Mike The Situation??? Is it a real person? Jennifer Hudson (g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s) and Matthew Morrison, though, always have me at ‘hello’.

My hopes were for recognizing old faces, and getting acquainted with some new people (and tunes) so that I wouldn’t accidentally say to anyone on my next trip to the States, “Oh, you’re famous, right? Sorry, I don’t give a sh*t about you”… KKKK. Surprisingly enough, I found out that I was a true oracle for the AMAs!!! Basically, if I knew an artist, chances were he or she would get the prize. On categories such as Pop-Rock Band/Duo/Group (Maroon 5), Country Female Artist (Taylor Swift), Rap/Hip-Hop Artist and Album (Nicki Minaj), Superstar Country Duos (Lady Antebellum), Favorite Male (Bruno Mars) and Female (Adele) Artists, I nailed all the winners.

I then started prophesying that Justin Bieber, Adam Lambert, Chris Daughtry, Enrique Iglesias, David Guetta would totally win it. The Band Perry, as I’d never heard of them, didn’t stand a chance. I had it 100% figured out.

After an almost-awkward moment between Chris Brown and Rihanna, the other ex-couple attending the event had their time. Jennifer Lopez was absolutely stunning in her many looks (specially the black lace one), while Marc Anthony stood there, weasel-like… well, he’s Marc Anthony. I bet she went away for some long minutes of nose-powdering when he took the stage. Go J-lo! Even though she had some lip-sync going on to Kaoma’s greatest hit (“Chorando se Foi”, an all-time Brazilian classic), she was the most beautiful woman of the night. Runner-up was Beyoncé.

Special Achievement Kate Perry looked like a cute strawberry pudding. I may or may not be foreseeing things but Russell Brand wasn’t there to applaud her. So sad. Nevertheless, Jessica Rabbit – oops, Kelly Clarkson – cared to make an appearance.

A question, before the night ended: WTF is LMFAO? Laughing My Fuckin’ Ass Out Loud? And those outfits they wore, come on, made me feel like my ‘Happy” panties are in again.

My only criticism is that, once again, Taylor Swift IS NOT the best American Artist! She’s a (talented, OK) teenager, for Christ’s sake! I miss the good old times, when the Artist of the Year went to, uhm, like, Cher, Jackson or Madonna. Seriously: Adele and Gaga are more complete and complex, as musicians, than our little friend blondie.

That’s life. Youngsters will conquer the world.

Relish

Once upon a time, there was me at home, watching the re-run of the Miss Universe contest while the Emmys didn’t start. The company had removed E! from my cable grid, drastically reducing my shots at seeing the red carpet live. It was a night of useless information even though I was sure this would be a huge success. I began by trying to follow it online.

The host of the network that eventually transmitted the ceremony wore a very respectable tuft. Interviewees came and interviewees went by, I was still in awe with the overwhelming power of that piece of hair. Among the usual parade of shoes, dresses and bling-blings, some VIPs stood out: Evan Rachel Woods, one spectacular woman – though she makes me a bit sick to my stomach for having dated Marilyn Manson; Kaley Cuoco, a true doll, and her Big Bang Theory colleague Mayim Bialik (aka "Amy Farrah Fowler"), which was also pretty, witty and bright; Betty White, forever cute in the same outfit as ever; Loretta Devine, in a green Scarlet O'Hara dress that somehow made her boobies saggy (yet she still rocked); Padma Lakshmi, a nightmare in caramel, KKKK; and the top most horrendous of all, Sofia Vergara, dressed as a red Colombian rose (not that she even needed the make-over: she can look perfect on sweatpants and a pony-tail).

I could swear I was in possession of my faculties, until I began to think Hugh Laurie was hot. And Jimmy Fallon. And Matt Le Blanc, all grizzly (Holy Mother of God, rescue me !!!). And the guys from Glee. And Rico Rodriguez, the cutest thing in his tuxedo. But definitely those hippie Gaultier pants that Alan Cumming was wearing had me say enough. Phew, I almost thought I'd fall in love again for some exotic Hollywood specimen.

After a break for snacks I went back to normal functions. Even because, as I heard the translator talk about David Bareana, Vanessa Milano and Wilmer Valdorama, I really had to turn off the little glare button and pay attention to the event!

Then again came: John Cryer, Molly Ringwald's BFF (yes, I’ve watched Two and a Half Men for AGES now, but this impression does not leave me); Johnny Galecki, with three pounds of foundation (was it needed?); Melissa McCarthy, graceful as usual, but I’m sure she stole a coffin lining to make that dress (her look was heavy, terrible); Lawrence Fishburne, always very sleek; and the voluptuous Christina Hendricks. By the beginning of the awards, as the participants of a certain teen site just couldn’t shut up, I turned off live streaming, or else (between seeing something and hearing comments on another) my concentration would fail. I began to pray for as many loves of my life as possible to make their cameos on stage, at the audience, backstage, wherever.

OK, Jane Lynch is a blast. I wish I did visit all those sets ... And I totally fix up my pants in public too! I related to her. Of the so-called "emmytones", the only one I didn’t know was some Kate girl, the rest of them were my buddies. And Zach Levi, so delightful, he doesn’t miss a gig, does he?

At the supporting awards in comedy series, I couldn’t decide on whom to root for - I loved all the candidates ... so what? And even though he was not nominated, I'd love to have seen Jason Segel in the crowd. Now, Modern Family is cool indeed... I need to keep a schedule to become a more frequent spectator... but giving everything to the SAME show is boring, come on. The highlight was Jack's wife (Julie Bowen), wearing an all-stones & gems dress.

Not being satisfied with the risks of having both Ricky Gervais and Charlie "Winning!" Sheen presenting awards in the category they belong to, the station put on a couple of translators who could not get a name right. By the way, it would’ve been interesting to have Charlie giving out the award to John Cryer. But then won Jim Parsons, a sweetheart, for playing definitely the best character in Big Bang Theory. Speaking of comedians, I wondered how the real life would be in Will Arnett and Amy Poehler’s home. It must be damn boring (no one thinks they do joke around when the toilet clogs or when a child gets sick, right?).

The nominees for best comedy actress, as usual, were a sideshow. Very nice of them to all take the stage, and WTF was Melissa McCarthy getting a bouquet and a pageant crown from the hands of Rob Lowe? Gotta be a childhood dream, HAHAHA. Only I could not forgive the purple sack she was wearing. They should donate it to Clothes Off Our Back to be incinerated! Apart from that, there was the “ugliest” pair of presenters of the night: Lowe and Vergara (even Jon Stewart said so).

In reality television, which is a genre I declare myself guilty of loving, I take my hat off to The Amazing Race. The production is phenomenal, because running around the world is not easy! Of those 'variety' shows, almost none succeeds here (or stands on the context, as they’re all very focused on the American politics and society). Therefore I do not see any, only Saturday Night Live, if that.

A little joke during the break: Why do Hollywood parties happen on Sundays? Because there are no Mondays for superstars. As for the rest of us ... :/

At this point the bizarre moment began: Anna Paquin standing next to a guy who looked kind of dwarfy ... Loretta’s cleavage, collapsing and dropping her twins ... Steve Buscemi, thankfully not smiling because his teeth give me nightmares ... And Katie Holmes with her everlasting crooked mouth, pretty for the teenager in Dawson's Creek but not for Mrs. Cruise. Why was she even there? Yes, The Kennedys. All right then.

I was very pleased with the award for Peter Dinklage, it was supercool! This guy has shown up in every series for ages! The first midget - I mean, oops, small person - winner of the Emmys, wicked. And oh, Kyle Chandler! I've had a fling for him way before Friday Night Lights. I simply adored Early Edition... between handsome Kyle and the gorgeous cat, they saved the world every day, it was beautiful!

Returning to the bizarre festival: the awarded screenwriter's wife forgot to take the towel off her head as she exited the shower. Well, at least I know what to put on for the Globes next year, when I’m in LA - white towels. Chic! And Amy Poehler's dress, after all, was it latex? And Christina Hendricks’ bunions, ew, they are huge (too bad we did not spot them)! And look, the woman with the towel again! And I wish Warner channel had SAP button, because the translators are dreadful. And, damn, the thing of turning 40 is that you really begin to find Hugh Laurie A HUNK.

Mildred Pierce, with both best actor and actress awards, must be in fact a great production. Unfortunately, Guy Pearce for me will always be the little sissy who treasured the Abba poop!

And finally, wow, best series, Modern Family? What a surprise... NOT. These kids in the cast are growing up fast, huh... but I missed the Chinese baby.

(This year we didn’t capture on Brazilian TV the funny announcer commenting on the winners and presenters, but my fellow tweeters in the USA complained a lot. Apparently it wasn’t hilarious at all. Best luck next time.)

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Era uma vez eu, enquanto não começavam os Emmys, assistindo à reprise de Miss Universo. Minha companhia de TV a cabo havia retirado o canal E! da grade, aniquilando assim minhas chances de ver o red carpet live da premiação. Uma noite de cultura inútil, que eu tinha certeza de que seria um sucesso! Comecei tentando acompanhar pela web.

A apresentadora da rede que, finalmente e de fato, transmitiu a cerimônia portava um topete de respeito. Vinha entrevistado, passava entrevistado, e eu continuava impressionada com a pujança daquele cabelo. Dentre o usual desfile de sapatos, vestidos e bling-blings, algumas VIPs se destacaram: Evan Rachel Woods, um espetáculo de mulher – que me dá nojinho porque namorava o Marilyn Manson; Kaley Cuoco, a boneca de Big Bang Theory, e sua colega Mayim Bialik (a.k.a. “Amy Farrah Fowler”), que também estava lindinha; Betty White, eternamente fofa com a mesma roupinha de sempre; Loretta Devine, num vestido verde Scarlet O’Hara que deixava as peitcholas um tanto pendentes (mas, ainda assim, arrasando); Padma Lakshmi, um verdadeiro pesadelo em caramelo, KKKK; e, a top top mais horrorosa de todas, Sofia Vergara, vestida de rosa colombiana vermelha (não que ela precisasse da produção: já é perfeita de moletom e cara lavada).

Eu jurava que estava de posse das minhas faculdades mentais, até que comecei a achar o Hugh Laurie gato. E o Jimmy Fallon. E o Matt Le Blanc, todo grisalho (afemariamãededeus, me acode!!!). E os meninos de Glee. E o Rico Rodrigues, coisa mais bonitinha, todo de smoking. Mas, definitivamente, a calça Gaultier de feira hippie que o Alan Cumming estava usando me fez dar um basta. Ufa, quase pensei que eu ia me apaixonar de novo por algum espécime exótico hollywoodiano.

Depois de uma pausa para o lanchinho, voltei ao normal. Também, com a tradutora falando em David Bareana, Vanessa Milano e Wilmer Valdorama, eu tinha mais era que desligar o botãozinho do deslumbramento e prestar atenção no evento!

Vieram ainda: John Cryer, o eterno melhor amigo da Molly Ringwald (sim, eu assisto Two and a Half HÁ ANOS, mas essa impressão não me larga); Johnny Galecki, com um quilo e meio de base (precisava?); Melissa McCarthy, que mesmo sendo uma graça, roubou o forro de um caixão para confeccionar o vestido (ficou com um look pesadíssimo, péssimo); Lawrence Fishburne, como sempre muito fino; e a “porpetuda” Christina Hendricks. A partir do início do prêmio, já que os comentaristas de um certo site adolescente não paravam de falar em off, desliguei o live stream, ou então (entre ver uma coisa e ouvir comentários sobre outra) minha concentração iria falhar. Comecei a orar para que vários amores da minha vida dessem o ar da graça no palco, na plateia, no backstage, wherever.

Jane Lynch é uma farra. Queria eu visitar todos aqueles sets... E eu também totalmente ajeito minhas calças em público! Me identifiquei. Dos tais “emmytones”, só não conhecia uma Kate, o resto eram chegadinhos meus. E Zachary Levi, que tá em todas, delícia!

Nos prêmios de coadjuvante em séries de comédia, fiquei sem saber para quem torcer – eu amava todos os candidatos... e aí? E, mesmo sabendo que ele não foi indicado, adoraria ter visto Jason Segel na multidão. Agora, Modern Family é legal... preciso me programar para virar espectadora assídua... mas dar TUDO para a mesma série é chato, vai. Destaque para a mulher do Jack (Julie Bowen), que estava usando um vestido made in Cristalina.

Não satisfeita com os riscos de ter Ricky Gervais e Charlie “Winning!!!” Sheen apresentando prêmios na categoria a que pertencem, a emissora pôs um casal de tradutores que só dava bola fora nos nomes. Aliás, interessante seria o Charlie entregar o prêmio para o John Cryer. Ganhou Jim Parsons, que é um fofinho, decididamente o melhor personagem de Big Bang Theory. Por falar em comediantes, fiquei vislumbrando a vida real na casa de Will Arnett e Amy Poehler. Deve ser chata pracac*** (ninguém acha que eles fazem graça quando entope a privada ou quando um filho passa mal, né?).

As indicadas a melhor atriz de comédia, como de costume, foram um show à parte. Muito simpático elas todas subirem ao palco; e o que foi Melissa McCarthy ganhando bouquet e coroa de Miss das mãos de Rob Lowe? Sonho de infância, HAHAHA. Só não consegui mesmo perdoar o saco roxo que ela estava usando. Devia era doar para o Clothes Off Our Back queimar em praça pública! Fora isto, pintou a dupla mais “feia” de apresentadores de toda a noite: Lowe e Vergara.

Em reality TV, que é um gênero que me declaro culpada de adorar, tiro o meu chapéu para The Amazing Race. A produção é algo fenomenal, porque rodar o mundo né mole não! Dos 'variety' americanos, quase nada emplaca por aqui (ou tem contexto para; são todos muito voltados para o cotidiano político-social dos USA). Aí não vejo nenhum, só Saturday Night Live, e olhe lá.

Um pequeno chiste no intervalo: Por que as festas hollywoodianas acontecem no domingo? Porque não existe segunda-feira para os superstars. Já para nós... :/

Aí começou o momento bizarrice: Anna Paquin ao lado de um carinha que parecia meio anão... O decote da Loretta, que baixou de vez e desabou com as peitolinhas... Steve Buscemi, que graças a Deus não sorriu, pois os dentes dele me dão pesadelo... E Katie Holmes com sua indefectível boca torta, que ficava bonitinha na adolescente de Dawson’s Creek, mas não na Sra. Cruise. Por que ela estava lá mesmo? Ah sim, Os Kennedys. Então tá.

Fiquei muito satisfeita com o prêmio do Peter Dinklage, achei superlegal! Este cara aparece em todas as séries há séculos!!! O primeiro anão - oops, quero dizer, homem pequeno - vencedor dos Emmys, massa. E Kyle Chandler, ah!! Já tive um teretetê por ele, antes desse Friday Night Lights. Eu simplesmente adorava Early Edition... tinha o Kyle gato e o gato gato (tipo miau). Eles salvavam o mundo todo dia, era lindo!

Retomando o festival bizarro, a mulher do roteirista premiado não tirou a toalha da cabeça quando saiu do banho. Pelo menos, já sei o que usar nos Golden Globes do ano que vem, quando estiver em L.A. - toalhas Buddemeyer. Chique! E o vestido da Amy, afinal, era de latex? E os joanetes da Hendricks, hem, são enormes (pena que não deu para avistá-los)! E olha a mulher da toalha de novo! E eu queria que o canal Warner tivesse SAP, porque os tradutores são muito enroladinhos. E, putz, que droga esse lance de beirar os 40: você REALMENTE começa a achar o Hugh Laurie gato...

Mildred Pierce, com prêmios de ator e atriz, deve ser uma produção boa mesmo. Infelizmente, Guy Pearce, para mim, será para sempre a bichinha do cocô do Abba!!!

Para finalizar, nossa, que surpresa... melhor série, Modern Family? NÃÃÃO. E as crianças do elenco tão crescendo, hem... Senti falta da a bebê chinesinha.

Este ano não tivemos na TV brasileira as gracinhas do locutor dos Emmys (fazendo piada com o currículo dos ganhadores e apresentadores), mas os gringos reclamaram bastante. Pelo visto, estava cheio de graça demais.

E, ei Jane, eu twittei em casa, mas eu sou limpinha, tá!?

Sour Cream

(with no tortilla chips, sorry)

... I know what you're thinking: this girl, the so-called (or, for that matter, self-called) award shows huge fan, did not say a word on the VMAs.

Oh well, it sucks to depend on a cable company which has eliminated MTV from the grid. Plus my radar failed in terms of pre-searching and/or watching it through the net. Shame on me!!!

Então. Não falarei dos Video Music Awards porque a "bonita" da companhia de TV a cabo - que este mês, particularmente, tem me trazido muita chateação - há vinte dias cancelou a MTV, e nem fiquei sabendo quando seria essa cerimônia... Bu para mim, grande fã (de araque) das premiações de Hollywood.

Só sei que D. Beyonça foi e anunciou que está esperando um Beyoncinho.

Já diziam meus coleguinhas de 7a série, PROMETO MELHORAR NA PRÓXIMA!

Ketchup

The all-american flavor. Só o povo americano para idolatrar adolescentes tão comuns quanto Taylors, Selenas e Justins. Sim, porque esta deveria ser a plateia votante nos Teen Choice Awards! Eles cantam, dançam, se apresentam em megashows, fazem filme, televisão, mas... têm talento? Ou até quando vão segurar a onda?

Aí vem Cameron Diaz, aquela feiosa, e salva a noite ensinando para a gurizada que sua vida – de verdade – só vai começar depois do ensino médio. Sábias palavras, tia Cameron, mas você não agradeceu meu chuchuzinho Jason por ser seu coadjuvante em ‘Bad Teacher’. Bu! Vivo da esperança de que toda essa sua boniteza seja efeito da maquiagem.

Por falar em totosos, Zachary Levi consegue ser uma delícia mesmo vestido de esquisitinho, hem? Entre ele e os fofuchos de Glee, eu não sabia mais para onde olhar. Só pensava que filme em 3D é demais para a minha cabeça, ainda que um dos meus planos malignos para 2012 seja comprar um trekking suit de Sue Sylvester. E afinal, parece que a tal da Charice/Sunshine Corazón é famosa mesmo. E é???

No segmento obscuro da premiação tivemos vampiros, relíquias da morte e o mundo tomado por chimpanzés revoltados. Não me conformei com o “melhor vampiro”. Para mim, continua sendo Roman Polanski, no filme ‘A Dança dos Vampiros’, de 1967! Até porque não aguento este menino Pattinson... Ian Somerhalder e o carinha de True Blood são muito melhores. Agora, falando sério, HARRY POTTER É BOM DEMAIS!!! Amo de paixão Ron Weasley (mesmo se meu verdadeiro amor é Neville Longbottom), e consigo sentir uma certa ternura por Draco Malfoy. Que agora está no ‘Planeta dos Macacos’, UHUUU

No geral, não houve grandes surpresas: Ellen Degeneres foi eleita a comediante que os aborrescentes mais gostam de ver quando chegam da escola, Os Simpsons são o melhor desenho animado (seus pais também curtiam, tá? KKKK), ‘Cisne Negro’ é um filmaço e Johnny Depp ainda agita a galera. OK. O único fato realmente imperdoável foi Tyra Banks insistir em usar um macacão de couro, coisa que nem Gisele deveria fazer, em público. Talvez eu tenha tomado abuso deste look alienígena-monocromática-dos-anos-80 no America’s Next Top Model ciclo 14, sei lá, mas se eu fosse ela largava essa moda cafona.

Para encerrar, deixo aqui duas reflexões. Se você não fosse indicado nem convidado para apresentar um dos prêmios, caro leitor, você iria a este show ou ficaria em casa assistindo tudo no conforto do seu sofá? E será que a televisão a cabo exibirá, em algum dos canais que sobraram na grade da moribunda Mais TV, os Emmys? Porque não sei se sobrevivo a outra noitada na cadeirinha do computador... Oremos.

I fear for these ordinary teenagers Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift (or Lautner, why not?) being made such a big deal at their young ages… They’re just kids. They’d better be voting for the Teen Choices! Instead, everyone throws itself at their feet, as if they were semi-gods or something.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a teenage star as much as the next person - but may someone please help them understand that one day, being cute will not do the trick? Oh, thank you Cameron Diaz, you skinny witch!!! I live in hope that your beauty looks lay solely on make-up (*kidding!). And by the way, you didn’t thank my sweetie of the year Jason Segel for co-starring with you. Boo.

For the colorful highlights, we had Zach Levi as the sexiest nerd alive, and the Glee bunch looking nice as usual. Even though a 3D movie seems too much right now, one of my evil plans for 2012 is to buy me a Sue Sylvester suit. And, surprise surprise: I never knew that girl Sunshine/Charice was actually famous… or isn’t she?

Then we got to the dark part of the night: blood suckers, deathly hallows, chimpanze revolution. I don’t care what they say, 1) my “choice vampire” will always be Roman Polanski in ‘The Fearless Vampire Killers’, as this boy Robert Pattinson does nothing for me. At all. Ian Somerhalder and the guy from True Blood are way vampir-er (in a better sense, I mean) than him! 2) AND HARRY POTTER TOTALLY ROCKS! Yes, I love Ron Weasley; I also still care for Draco Malfoy. Now on ‘Planet of the Apes’.

Ah well, there were no further twists: Ellen is the show to watch when you come from school, The Simpsons are still the best animation (go ask your parents!), ‘Black Swan’ is a heck of a movie, and Johnny Depp… oh Johnny. The only fact I couldn’t pass by was that Tyra insisted once more on wearing a leather onesie in public. Not even Gisele would pull that up; I thought she had learned it after ANTM’s Cycle 14. Guess not.

After all is said and done, some questions remain: If I were not nominated, and not a host, would I attend these awards? Or probably stay home and watch them on TV? Shall I have better luck on the Emmy, and have it on cable (I had to see these Teen Choice Awards on live stream), instead of sitting all evening on my computer chair?

And WTF do people do to those gi-normous surfboards when they get home? Answers here.

Genesis

Devo confessar, este blog foi motivado por más - melhor dizendo, excelentes! - intenções. E uma antiga paixão.

O certo, pela ordem natural da vida, seria começar pelos Kids' Choice Awards, mas pulo a infância e me jogo num 'mosh' nos braços dos Teen Choices daqui a algumas horas.

Following the natural order of life, I should have actually started with the Kids' Choices but I've decided to skip childhood and throw myself 'mosh style' straight to the arms of Teen Choice Awards in a few hours.

Hope to see you often...